What If? The Loves of Spider-Man
by turbomagnus
Summary: Multiple universes leave multiple possibilities, not in all the different universes in which Peter Parker became the amazing Spider-Man did he find love with Gwen Stacy, Mary-Jane Watson or even Felicia Hardy, in some universes his 'significant other' would be very different. Love can be a surprising thing and lovers can be the people least expected, leaving us to ask 'What If'...?
1. June Jitsu

Author's Note; Yes, I'm well-aware that 'Spider-Man involved with different women' collections of stories have now become more or less a cliche. That doesn't change the fact that I have a few ideas of my own for some stories in that vein. Today, we revisit some of the old Marvel/Hostess Snack Cakes ads with the pairing of Spider-Man and June Jitsu, a martial artist/thief who appeared in one of those ads...

Disclaimer: Spider-Man is the creation of Stan Lee and the property of Marvel Comics, used for entertainment purposes without permission or intent to profit. I'm no longer sure who owns the trademark, copyright and such for Hostess Snack Cakes.

* * *

-o0O0o-

"What If...? Loves of Spider-Man"  
'What if Hostess Snack Cakes Could Get You Girls?'  
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

-o0o-

"Hostess - now that's the stuff." - Various Hostess commercials.

-o0O0o-

* * *

There were few souls at Midtown High that weren't relieved when the final bell of the day rang, releasing all students for the weekend and freedom. It was Friday, end of the school week and harbringer of two days of relaxation and no classes, something most students considered worth celebrating with a weekend party with friends or, for couples, a Friday night date. Some, however, would be just as happy to curl up with a good book and spend their weekend studying rather than going out. One of those studious youths was Peter Parker, an orphan raised by his aunt and uncle after his parents' death, an amatuer photographer whose studious nature and photographic hobby hid a surprising secret, an absolutely _amazing_ secret.

Attending a science exposition on the future of nuclear power several months ago had resulted in Peter being bitten by a radioactive spider, the bite altering Peter's own molecular chemistry to grant him the proportional strength, speed and agility of a spider, as well as a unique ability to sense danger around him as a spider detects the movement of strands in its own web. Creating a costume to hide his true identity, Peter became the super-powered showman known as Spider-Man, but his fame and glory wasn't to last long. It was within a matter of weeks that Peter lost his Uncle Ben to a burglar's bullet, the money he had made as Spider-Man to the super-criminal master of special effects Mysterio, and the support and fame that he had gained as a showman to the harsh headlines and bitter editorials of J. Jonah Jameson and _The Daily Bugle_. Despite this, he continued to act against the likes of criminals such as The Vulture, Doctor Octopus, The Sandman and even the infamous Doctor Doom, carrying on to honor his deceased uncle and the late Ben Parker's belief that with great power came great responsibility.

So many negative things happening to him in such a short period of time had come close - oh, so close - to doing serious psychological damage with probable long-term effects on the super-powered young man still in some of his most formative years - feelings of guilt, especially - until support had come from a surprising source. You see, not every criminal Spider-Man found himself against was a scientist bent on revenge, a radioactively-altered superhuman or even a 'super'-criminal with an eyecatching gimmick; some of them were just people with certain skills that they were good at who used them for personal gain. That, in and of itself, didn't necessarily make them evil; selfish, perhaps, but not always evil. Even the greatest of heroes can be selfish sometimes. And sometimes they should be; they are, after all, human.

It was Friday and Midtown High was letting out for the weekend, something Peter was ready for since it meant two days of there being one less thing that he had to juggle in his life. He didn't realise that fate was about to swap a rubber ball for a chainsaw in his juggling act.

Peter and two of his closest friends, Elizabeth 'Liz' Allen and Harry Osborne, had exited the front door of the school and were walking down the main walk towards the street when they were joined by an unwanted fourth.

"Guess what, Parker?," The blonde young man in the sports jersey said with a smirk, "There's still time for me to give out one last swirlie before the weekend - and you're the lucky one to get it!"

Peter cringed at the thought, causing Liz to snap at the athlete, "Don't you have anything better to do, Flash?"

"Liz, Liz, Liz..." Flash started before something, or rather someone caught his eye and changed what he was about to say, "You know what? It must be Parker's lucky day - I think maybe I do at that."

With his smirk growing, Flash pulled away from the trio and headed towards the Oriental girl in her Chinese-style clothing leaning up against a nearby tree as though she were waiting on someone.

Peter barely shook his head and muttered, "You'll be sorry..."

Harry frowned slightly and glanced over at his friend, "You say something, Petey?"

"Did I say something, Liz?" Peter asked the girl.

Liz nodded, "You said Flash will be sorry... And I don't think you were just talking about how he's a sorry excuse for a person most of the time, either."

"Well, then," Peter said with a grin, "If I said that, I certain hope he will, I'd hate to be a liar."

"Peter Parker," Liz pointed her finger at him in that warning gesture that all females seemed to be born instinctively knowing, "You're up to something."

"Harry, mind getting your girlfriend off my back?"

"I'm not his girlfriend!" Liz exclaimed.

"Not yet, anyway," Harry informed her with a wink.

"Not ever!" Liz retorted sharply.

"Would you two quieten down?" Peter said with surprising firmness, "The show's about to start..."

"Huh?" Harry frowned as he looked at Peter in confusion, only for the other young man to casually point to where Flash had reached the girl by the tree.

"Flash Thompson," Flash 'introduced' himself with a hint of arrogance in his tone, "And who might you be, beautiful?"

"Hayashi... June Hayashi," the girl answered with a distracted nod.

"Well, June, congratulations - I just happen to be free Saturday night," Flash said with a smirk as he threw his arm around her shoulder, "So if you'll give me your address, I'll pick you up around - augh!"

Flash's exclamation came from the fact that with no warning he suddenly found himself flying through the air until he landed several feet away with an audible impact, curtesy of a martial arts hip throw from June Hayashi.

"Ugh," Flash groaned, shaking his head as he sat up, "What'd I do to deserve that?"

"Serves you right... moron," Peter's deadpan insult drew stares from the classmates that thought they knew him, "Hitting on a girl with three black belts and a boyfriend."

"How do you know she has a boyfriend, Petey?" Harry asked.

June laughed as she walked up to and leaned against Peter, causing him to wrap his arms around her as she answered, "Personal experience."

"You," Harry blinked, "and her?"

Peter and June both nodded.

"Sometimes, Petey," Harry shook his head in a mixture of disbelief and regret, "I really hate you and your luck."

Peter smiled, "I don't know, Harry, I think it's finally starting to even out."

"It could be worse," Harry commented aloud, but more to himself than anyone, "She could be a supermodel or an actress, something like that..."

"His aunt tried to introduce him to a girl who wants to be a model," June announced to the gathering at large, "He refused to accept."

One of the other bystanding students spoke up at that, "Are you nuts?"

"Anna Watson's not the nicest person, even if she is Aunt May's friend - if her niece is anything like her," Peter commented, "I don't want to know her."

"That's not fair, Peter," Liz Allen chided, torn between jealousy at the girl that was hanging onto him and relief that he actually hadn't accepted his aunt setting him up on a date with the want-to-be model.

"Does it make me an evil person if I don't want to be fair?" Peter answered, "Just this once?"

"If you cannot," June informed him, "I will be unfair for you."

"This can't be happening," Harry shook his head, "This really just can't be happening... Come on, Pete, tell me you two aren't that serious about each other..."

"Harry, come on, stop begging, okay?" Peter winced, "It looks bad."

"It is bad!" Harry exclaimed, "Do you realize what it's going to do to every guy in school and our chances for getting dates if word gets out that Peter Parker, king of the geeks and Flash's favorite chew-toy, has a steady girlfriend?"

"Harry, your dad's got more millions that I've got A's on homework," Peter pointed out.

"He's not _that_ rich," Harry muttered defensively.

"And I'm not that gullible," Flash announced as he climbed to his feet, "Hey, good-looking, whatever Parker paid you to pretend to be his girlfriend, I'll double it for a date."

"Uh," Liz's eyes widened suddenly before narrowing at the expression on June's face, "Oh..."

Peter had fought Doctor Doom, Doctor Octopus, the Green Goblin, The Vulture, The Sandman and more - all manner of criminals and supervillains - but he had never been as afraid of them as he now was of his girlfriend who was glaring at Flash and demanding to know, " _What_... did you just say?"

"I'll pay you twice whatever loser Parker is paying for a date," Flash answered, oblivious to the approaching cataclysm of feminine fury.

Peter and Harry glanced at each other and shook their heads - it wasn't a secret that Flash's skills lay in athletics and not academics, but they never before would have thought him capable of being this stupid, borderline suicidal, even if Peter was the only half of the pair that knew the full extent of June's abilities and so how much pain she could make Flash experience.

"That what I thought you said," June nodded before exploding into a storm of motion. Before anyone could really tell what had happened, Flash found himself laying on the ground bleeding from a broken nose and clutching other injured body parts as June walked around Peter to put her boyfriend between the two of them.

"Beautiful and dangerous... Okay, Pete," Harry finally said, "Don't think you're not my best friend or anything... but what did a geek like you do to get a girl like her?"

"What can I say?" June shrugged as she answered for her boyfriend, "He bribed me with delicious Hostess-brand fruit pies."

Harry blinked and looked at Peter, "Really?"

Peter rubbed the back of his head, "It's... a long story, but... yeah, I can say that Hostess fruit pies were involved."

"Suddenly," Harry remarked, "I think I need to run to the store..."

"You do that, Harry," Peter smirked, "Me? I've got a date to get started."

"And this time," June added, "Physics books will not be involved."

* * *

-o0O0o-

Author's Note; I'll admit to being somewhat unsure of the correct name here - the title of the ad/single page comic said 'June Jitsu', while the actual panels said 'June Jitsui'. Considering that 'June Jitsu' could be considered a play on 'Jujitsu', I've chosen to go with the title over the dialogue.


	2. Silver Sable

Author's Note: Inspired by Christmas music.

Disclaimer: "Spider-Man" and all related characters and situations are the property of Marvel Entertainment and are used for entertainment purposes without permission or intent to profit.

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-o0O0o-

"What If...? Loves of Spider-Man"  
"What If... Peter Parker Dated Silver Sablinova?"  
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

-o0o-

"Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree..." - 'Santa Baby'.

-o0O0o-

* * *

"Welcome to Symkaria, sir," the guard greeted Spider-Man with a polite smile as the webslinger landed on the grounds of the Symkarian Embassy.

"Randwulf, are you going to say that every time?" Spider-Man asked.

"Protocol, sir," Randwulf answered, "Once you're past the walls and under the roofline, you're in Symkarian territory."

Shaking his head, Spidey sighed, "Protocol, huh? Well, I've learned not to argue with Symkarians when protocol's involved."

"Very wise of you, sir," Randwulf agreed, "Would you like for me to announce your arrival?"

"You really think she doesn't already know I'm here?" Spider-Man asked as he pulled off his mask in one of the few places outside his apartment he could safely do so.

"No, sir, Mister Parker," Randwulf shook his head, "But as you know, asking..."

"Is protocol," Peter finished along with him, then continued, "No, thank you, I'd like to at least pretend it's a surprise visit."

"Indeed, sir," Randwulf nodded, "I'll inform the interior guards that you are on your way inside, then."

"Why can't the rest of New York treat me like you guys?" Peter asked rhetorically.

"As I said, sir, 'welcome to Symkaria'," Randwulf answered anyway.

-o0o-

Peter stuck his head around the corner of the main door into the private residence of the highest ranking VIP at the Embassy, "Ding-dong, Spider calling!"

Silver Sablinova, Queen of Symkaria and the mercenary known as 'Silver Sable', looked up at him and laid the documents she was reading on the end table next to the couch on which she was sitting, "My hero, come to save me from the cruel tyranny of paperwork, have you?"

"Almost," Peter answered, bringing his arm and the item he was carrying into view, "I bring hot cocoa to break up the monotony - Jervis' own special recipe, direct from the butleringest butler in New York himself."

Despite herself, Silver couldn't entirely surpress a faint laugh at the discription of Jervis as 'the butleringest butler in New York'. It was true, though, that the man had a unique knack for what he did. If it wasn't for his loyalty to Tony Stark and The Avengers, she might have tried to hire him herself at times. She, however, knew a losing battle when she saw one. The only way which Jervis might possibly enter her employ would be if her lover were the last Avenger alive and were that the case, even the near-decadent bliss of Jervis' special hot cocoa would be one of the last things with which to concern herself.

Letting out a slow sigh, she rested her head in a hand and smiled at him, "You understand that if you don't hand it over right now, I'm going to shoot you."

"That's the least violent threat I've heard all day," Peter quipped as he walked into the room and set the thermos of cocoa on the table next to Silver's paperwork, prompting the Queen to give him an annoyed look and move the paperwork to the other side of the couch.

"Considering you have a habit of provoking your opponents, it's not a difficult achievement," Silver remarked as Peter walked around and set on the couch next to her, "What was it Scorpia threatened you with last time you fought her? Something about pinning you to a display like a butterfly, wasn't it?"

"Again, I note; arachnids are not insects," Peter muttered.

"Arachnids, insects, they're all part of the same group of animals," Silver shrugged.

"I'm afraid to ask."

"The group that they make pesticides for," the silver-haired woman smirked at the affronted look on her lover's face before asking a question, "If being shot is the least violent threat today, what else have you been threatened with?"

"I might have made a joke about 'Christmas Hulk' because Banner and Ross were in the same room," Peter admitted.

Picking up the thermos, Silver shook her head, "I suspect they did not take the observation well."

"I was lucky to get out of there unsquished and with the hot cocoa," Peter answered, "I don't want to go into details of what they were threatening; it's enough to say that when those two agree on anything, it's scary."

Silver took a moment to open the thermos and take a slow sip of hot cocoa, smiling as the flavors touched her tongue, before answering, "I'm glad that the cocoa was unharmed."

"Hey!" Peter exclaimed in mock offense.

"You can take care of yourself," Silver pointed out, looking at her lover over the top of the thermos, "The cocoa cannot."

The webslinger thought for a moment before shrugging, "Well, I can't argue with that logic... actually, I can, but I'd lose."

"And to the victor goes the spoils," Silver smirked before taking another sip of cocoa.

Reaching out, Peter pulled one of her hands away from the thermos and kissed the back of it, "I feel like I should say something about spoils and you deserving to be spoiled, but nothing's coming to mind... I guess you're just too mindblowing, huh?"

"Tell me, have you ever considered writing a book of these lines?" Silver asked with a raised eyebrow when Peter had released her hand, "With some of the inanity I've seen on bookstore shelves, I'm sure you could get it published."

"I've... never thought of that," he admitted, somewhat embarassed, "I think I've just gone from Spider-Man to Sheep-Man with how sheepish I feel now..."

That statement produced another raised eyebrow from the Queen-slash-mercenary as she closed up the thermos and returned it to the sidetable, "Sheep-Man, is it?"

"Hey, there's a Squirrel-Girl and that Groot guy out in space who's a living tree," Peter pointed out.

"Well, then, my amazing Sheep-Man," Silver leaned over and pressed her lips to his before pulling slightly away, running her hands down his chest as she did. "It's time to 'shear' you."

There was a moment of confusion on Peter's part before his lover demonstrated what she meant by hooking her thumbs under the top of his costume and moving to take it off...


End file.
